Why Your Kids Don't Talk to You

Kids have no interest in telling you how school was.

School is usually boring for them (and for good reason).

Kids desperately want to tell you about the prank they got in trouble for, or the funny thing their friend said, or the new app they're using.

You want to hear those things. After all, that's why you're leaving the conversational door open for them by asking "How was school?"

But if they're so eager to tell you, and you're eager to hear, why do they respond with "It was fine" every time?

For two reasons:

1. You're asking the question from a place of what YOU want to know, not what THEY want to tell you.

2. They don't trust that you'll treat their answer with humor and non-judgment.

I almost never ask my nieces or nephews how school was. It's a lazy, self-centered question. Instead I ask them questions like:

"What was the funniest thing that happened today?"

"Did anything cool happen after school?"

"What's the biggest trouble you've gotten in since I saw you a few months ago?"

No matter what they tell me, I always treat them with Unconditional Positive Regard and I NEVER antagonize them for their answers.

There's no better way to get a kid to stop opening up to you than to punish them when they do.

We may tease or joke about the subject, but it's always from a place of being on the same team.

Over time, they've learned that they can trust me (even with the bad stuff).

In turn I open up to them about my life (even the bad stuff) and it's deepened our relationships.

[Photo from: http://www.beejohnson.com/]